Apply to be Psychonaut's girlfriend

In the interests of cutting down on the number of marriage proposals I receive in my daily fan mail, I have decided to expedite the courtship process with this handy girlfriend application form. Prospective soul-mates can now try their hand at winning me over through this completely automated procedure.

ATTENTION! This page is currently under construction and the form does not work. Please don't fill it out expecting it to do anything — your answers aren't even sent to me. For now, consider it to be entertainment purposes only. :)

Contact information

My name is:
My e-mail address is:
My home page URL is: http://
I don't have a home page
My geographical location is:
I currently live:
I still live with my parents

Physical characteristics

Gender-wise, I am:
Age-wise, I am:
Height-wise, I am:
Weight-wise, I am:
Race-wise, I am:
Colour-wise, my hair is:
Length-wise, my hair is:
Colour-wise, my eyes are:
Shape-wise, my eyes are:
My cheeks are:
My nose is:
My lips are:
Distinguishing facial features:
(check all that apply)
acne
arched eyebrows
buckteeth
cleft palate
dimple
doe eyes and fluttery eyelashes
vampire fangs
freckles
Gorbachev-style birthmark
mezzobrow (à la Bert)
mole
moustache
tattoo
underbite
wart
a winning smile
a winning scowl
Eyewear:
Jewelry:
(check all that apply)
garland
crown
tiara
head circlet
bracelet
bracer
anklet
earring (earlobe)
earring (other)
necklace
subcutaneous ball bearings
tongue piercing
ornamental claw
nose ring
finger ring
toe ring
eyebrow ring
nipple ring
bellybutton ring
genital ring
stacked neck rings
ring of fire protection +5

School & work

Highest level of
education obtained:

I majored in:
Current employment:

Recreational drugs

I drink alcohol:
I use tobacco:
I smoke marijuana:
I take LSD:

Mental stability

Crimes committed:
(check all that apply)
jaywalking
speeding
shoplifting
indecent exposure
robbery
assault with a deadly weapon
racketeering
sedition
regicide
Mental disorders:
(check all that apply)
amnesia
generalized anxiety
dementia
hebephrenia
hypocondriasis
kleptomania
lycanthropy
megalomania
melancholia
narcolepsy
obsessive-compulsive disorder
paranoia
pathological liar
pyromania
schizophrenia
Tourette's syndrome
xenophobia
Religious affiliation:

Love, sex, marriage

I am currently:
My thoughts on children:
A romantic evening is:
I want to be Psychonaut's
girlfriend because:

Sexual preferences:
(check all that apply)
abstinence
anal sex
asphyxiation
bondage
coprophagy
cross dressing
cunnilinguis
cybersex
enemas
exhibitionism
fellatio
infantilism
masochism
necrophilia
orgies
paedophilia
phone sex
plushies
for procreation only
sadism
theophilia
voyeurism
zoophilia
My orgasms' traits:
(check all that apply)
largely uneventful
very quiet
very loud
loud enough to hear blocks away
captured on film/video many times
screaming
barking and yelping
frenetic praying
clawing and scratching
putting holes in the walls
I've sent many a partner to the hospital
I cry
I pass out
I throw up


(this doesn't work yet)